“This is my day, and I made it all mine.”
As stated in a small area on the bottom right of my laptop screen, it is 2.11 am. I just woke up from a 4 hours sleep which I think was due to my tiredness of being at the firm the whole day.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately and it made me realise that out of all that has happened to me in the past 1 year, I never had my own day. You can only expect a lot from a day that when it ends, it never fulfils what you expected. At the point of when you close your eyes at the end the day, you realise that things will be the way you planned it to be.
When you think about it again, you always get those look from people that you always had your day. From what you are feeling and what people are thinking, it goes different ways. This means that people can never see what is going on inside. What they know is what they see, what they hear and what you tell. It is like you are living in a whole different world altogether where you story is different from the stories people know. Come to think about it, are you even alive? Or are you just a puppet which strings attach where people would decide on you every move. Then again you would never have your own day.
Life is always attached. You are attached with the people around you. The people you care, the people you love even the people you see everyday. They influence what happens to you everyday. They decide on the outcome of your day. The list of this influence goes on. Having feelings of the people around you, caring too much, thinking too much about a person, wanting to make things better for the both of you, making sure that the relationship stays are all factors related to your day and that will never change. Even how hard you try to make things perfect, face the fact that it will never be. If you expect it to be perfect, don’t be because expecting is worst than trying. At the end of the day, you will down to your knees and failure will be written all over you. So when will you get your day? Never?
When it is time to open your eyes, you think about what happened the day before. You lose hope, you stop to expect, and you even stop trying. And at that moment you realise that the day will cycle itself. Nothing will change for the better. The phrase “This is my day, and I made it all mine.” will never exists.
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